The Loneliness of Change

The Loneliness of Change

 Why does change strike fear into the hearts of even the strongest people? I am not talking about rearranging the living room furniture or moving the business office across town. Major sudden change, such as a takeover of your company by a big conglomerate, a layoff of large numbers of people, a sudden loss of financial support, untimely death of a spouse or a child, stroke, cancer, or a surprise divorce—these events create a fog in the thinking of even the smartest people. These events can create feelings of bewilderment, grief, disillusionment, anger, betrayal, desolation. But, most of all, it is the fear of what is to come that freezes a person in place. And it is a very lonely place, where the feeling is, that all around, there be dragons! 

There is a tendency to be very angry with God for not preventing the tragedy. There is a frantic search for reasons, groping to make sense of it all. Yet, as we all find, there is no “sense to make.” There is no “why.” It is what it is, and the only way out, is through the feelings. The protest and the resistance, the anger and the grief and betrayal, need to be acknowledged and set aside for the moment. This is hard, and requires support and direction.

Taking New Steps

It is hard to take a step forward, there is no compass, no direction, no pathway. There is only the feeling of being in the “valley of the shadow of death.” In times like these, Faith is important, but Faith by itself doesn’t make the hurt go away. That takes some work, work on yourself, your expectations, perceptions, and the recognition that you are not alone, and that everyone eventually must go through this in some way. That is part of life; not a pleasant journey, but one they we must go through in order to live our life to its fullest. You can also ask for help from individuals or participate in a group of people experiencing similar challenges. 

The Grace of Gratitude

The Creator, who made us, is there by our side, just like that Psalm says “thy rod and thy staff comfort me.”  The presence of the Creator is subtle. We ask with humility and we are presented with a thought, a person, or something we hear or see around us, a suggestion to move this way or that. We are to respond to each suggestion with gratitude, and take the step, even if tears pour from our eyes.

Personally, this type of change forces re-evaluation of priorities, expectations, and the taken-for -granted values have been used to make decisions in the past. We have various aspects of ourselves, emotional, mental, physical and spiritual, that can be used as shovels to clear the path in our mind and help us to move forward. Finding a new pathway for life, takes new skills, new ways of thinking, and new priorities, to bring about a new sense of self. This will not happen immediately, but there are some little steps to take each day. 

What is Important Now?

It can be a big challenge, but ask: What is important to me right now? The answers might be something like: 

• Emotionally: I would like to feel a sense of calmness so I can think straight. 
• Mentally: I would like to make a list of tasks that can be done.
• Physically: I would like to walk around the block, feel the sunshine, breathe in the fresh air, hear the birds, and feel that freedom. 
• Spiritually: I would like to make space in my heart so I can hear God speaking to me.

Once you have made your statement, monitor your breathing, deep breaths to fill your lungs, your heart, and your mind with new oxygen. Focus on each item, one at a time. How would you feel if you felt calm? Create it. What would your list of tasks look like? Make it. Get up and walk out the door and around the block. Feel the motion, hear the sounds, breathe in the fresh air, say hello to those you pass, be thankful for all that you see, feel, and hear.

Feel the rhythm of your body as you walk. Be thankful, and ask God to hear you and be there with you. Come home and ask the question again: What is important to me right now? Keep doing this one step at a time. You will begin to feel a sense of grounding and find yourself choosing to move forward. Pretty soon, you will have a sense of direction, and feel strong enough to clear away the fog, revealing your new pathway, and experience the Grace of Gratitude.