Following a Path Generally Includes Others

Some examples might help. 

I would not be where I am today without the impact that individual people had in my life. My father sat me down one evening after dinner and made a very sensible statement: In the future, you will not be able to be a housewife like your mom. You will have to be a financial help for your family. And for that you will need to get an education.  This conversation was in response to the boyfriend who just dropped out of college to join the military as an Airman and he wanted us to get married. I was home on a visit from Radford College in Southern Virginia, where I was miserable. Getting married seemed to be a good choice. I went back to school and thought about what Dad had said, and my boyfriend and I exchanged letters and phone calls. He was in Biloxi by this time. And I said, no, I cannot do this. I still didn’t care for the situation at the school, but I could see that this wasn’t right for me. Plus, I had launched a small musical job— weekends were spent on the train to other colleges around the south, where I sang in coffee houses and made a decent income while I was a student. At Christmas, my boyfriend went home for a visit and didn't tell me; and by February he had married the girl down the street. At the end of the next year I changed schools and lived at home. I was much happier.

Detours and Quagmires

Another example: Another boyfriend scolded me one day during an argument about my desire to get a master’s degree. “You will never be anything but a secretary!” Being the contrarian that I am, I immediately enrolled in graduate classes in the history program. I was, at the time a secretary for the registrar at the college. My boss saw that I was misplaced. He helped me find a job in the library at Kaman Sciences, where I saw a whole different world. It was very exciting working there, learning about science, space craft, and so on. Then the economy collapsed 10 months later and I received a pink slip with my last paycheck. I was unemployed. 

Determined not to settle for a secretary position, I started 2 businesses. One, I sold make up door to door. (That was not very successful.) Second, I thought I might continue my musical career that had begun to blossom at the college I had left. But there was no access in the new community. The music genre had changed, and folk singing was replaced by heavy metal. So I put away my guitar and got out my sewing machine. I sewed for the ladies in my neighborhood, and for the boys who liked western shirts. (A friend helped me to sell 87 of the shirts that I made—- it was exhausting, but it helped to make ends meet). Life was precarious though. I need a more secure income.  I was also working as housecleaner for one of the rofessors at the University. He was retired from the State Department and had learned 5 languages (and had had 5 wives — each who spoke a different language). I introduced him to my former boss at the Kaman Sciences and they got married — until he died 25 years later. 

Asking for Help 

With the help of a couple of job service representatives who “kicked my butt” for not being focused in my job search, I applied for a job at the community college and got it. That was a stressful job at a stressful time in our country. I had miserable bosses and found it hard to adapt, until one day the Dean from another department said, “Why don’t you create a job for yourself.” He then showed me a grant that would allow me to move out of the department I was in and into a different area. I was awarded the grant and began to help veterans find jobs. It was exciting and fun. Then one day, 2 older ladies from a University up North, said that I should consider getting a doctorate. They were recruiters. I said that I couldn’t possibly do that, since I was married and had 2 children by this time. They kept at it and I learned that I could commute and that I could attend many classes in town at other graduate schools and transfer credits as well. So I applied and was accepted. It was not easy for me, and my husband was really helpful. By the time I graduated, we had another baby and then, the summer before I graduated, we lost a new baby and I was at Death’s door from complications of that birth. 

Learning and Loss 

This was a terrible time for our family.  I was so sick, I could do nothing for 8 weeks. My friends and family provided help and encouragement. They also reminded me that I had unfinished business. For one thing, I needed help with the last part of my dissertation.  Help arrived in the form of an angel from a local university. Mary showed me how to finish the statistical procedures and reassured me that my work was solid.  I graduated that December.  And that allowed me to start a consulting company, a women’s organization, become a professor, and write grants for a non-profit company.  All the way through these snapshots (and many more that there isn't space to share), I was surrounded by people who were instrumental in getting me where I am now.  They showed up in my life, sometimes as an annoyance, sometimes as a relief, and sometimes with an idea, or even an opportunity.  I am thankful for my husband and family; and I also have lifelong friends who always encouraged and helped me keep focused.   Some of them ran alongside me, some challenged me, some frustrated me, and some cheered me on, and were there to laugh and cry with me. 

Creating Opportunities out of Challenges 

The point is, that you need to keep your goal in mind (mine was the ability to be independent in my work).  It was a value that I pursued, not a thing, not a place, not a job. Richard Bolles, who was one of my mentors, said you have to “find a need and fill it” to be happy in your work.  I believe that he was right. My father, my uncle, and several friends made sure that I always kept God in my viewfinder and to have Faith:  Problems create Opportunities.  It is also important to acknowledge the opportunities and value of all the people who show up in your life as you move down your path. Also, take what you find and use it to plot a new course.