Fire of Conflict

Fire of Conflict

Conflict can be like a fire, it is dangerous, it is hot, it is disorienting and yet after it settles down, there is a new clarity of what could be.

Yes, many familiar trees were lost, and the ground is not the same as before.

We mourn the loss of the familiar, but as time goes on, there is a sense of newness.

Remember, that some pinecones will not turn into pine trees unless the fire releases the seeds for the new growth.

Change in the Organization Brings Conflict

Anytime change is introduced into the organization, whether a change in the way things are done, new policies, adding new technology or new personnel, conflict is created. While conflict can be uncomfortable for most people, a unique opportunity is presented whenever conflict appears.

Conflict brings the opportunity to begin clarifying what is most important. If a company changes its marketing approach to align with a politically correct position, a firestorm of opposition can result from customers, suppliers, co-workers, and investors. We have seen this happen recently. Conflict can be the signal that reminds us to examine our values, expectations, and assumptions. In short, conflict is a way of rocking the boat, taking ourselves out of autopilot mode!

Conflict can exist between two people, between groups, between workers and managers, between the company and its customers. Ignoring or covering up conflicts, trying to smooth them over, without addressing the underlying fears, issues and assumptions is a sure way to sabotage any hope for real cooperation and change! Some people like to create conflict as a way of creating energy. Some people create conflict to exercise their power and control needs. Healthy conflict, in which each person is allowed hearing, where the needs and fears of each are stated, and in which the common vision is shared, actually revitalizes an organization. It realigns people with the mission and the goals. Problems, frustrations and miscommunications can actually encourage a cooperative spirit.

Unfortunately, most organizations try to suppress conflict, to act as if nothing is wrong. The outcome of these misguided efforts means that the conflict goes underground. People pretend there is no conflict. This behavior (usually encouraged by the culture of the organization actually sabotages morale and productivity. Cooperation, an essential component for a healthy organization, comes only with the willingness to risk the conflict.

Principles for Managing Conflict

The conflict can be managed by redirecting the focus of a meeting on what we each want to see in relation to the change for the issue at hand. Here some principles for managing conflict:

Know the ground upon which you stand: What are the values or principles that seem to have been violated. (The goal cannot be for things to remain the same—they won’t). A wise person once said: “Even when the willow bends in the wind, she holds her ground.” This grounding may cause you to determine that you can no longer be where the values and principles are contrary to those that make you whole.

The stated conflict is rarely the real conflict! Look at your needs and your fears. Look at them from your opponent’s perspective. One of the teachings of the Native American Elders is: “Conflict creates clarity.” Complaining about the situation will not help it—you must address it.

Each person brings prior experiences, assumptions, expectations and fears to the conflict. That creates chaos—everyone wants the stoplight to be green when they get there. Be sure that you are looking at the real situation, and not the one you are seeing in your internal video tape! Recognize and pay attention to those prior experiences, assumptions, expectations and fears. What can you let go of and what do you need to keep? Some things can be shifted. The consequences are rarely as bad as your fears would make you believe.

Redirect the energy of the conflict to having participants identify what they want to see. Have the team or the individuals focus on building a vision of what they want. This can be done through a mind mapping process where people provide ideas for what could be. 

Conflict is not about winning. It is about resolving. It takes a while to work through perceptions and to enable people to have enough trust in each other and in the process to begin to come to resolutions. In Labor Relations, this process is what takes so long to develop the new contract. The desire to win rather than to resolve can create breaking points—divorce, strikes, lawsuits!

Conflict awakens a person’s deepest needs and fears. Be willing to go through that doorway. People will find that they are much more resilient than they thought. Leaving a company or a relationship may feel painful, but it may be the only way that you can avoid deconstructing yourself.

Accepting that there is a conflict will help to diffuse it. Trust that there is a resolution—even if that resolution is separation. The clarity that comes from the struggle may reveal strengths that you never knew you had. There may still be those who want to use the situation to get even—you cannot change that. Stepping away may be best.

In the corporate environment, there can be a tone of authoritarianism that says you will do this our way or you can leave. That very attitude tells you that this may not be the place for you! And, you may just have to drop your projects, let go of your position, pack up your treasures and walk out the door. That door leads to freedom; even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment you step onto the sidewalk. You will need to have faith that you are being directed to another purpose, one that will be more meaningful and fulfilling.